CBC Worship Ministries: Devotional Blog

This week I'm going to digress just a little from focusing on worship. Indirectly, everything that we deal with in the Christian life impacts those who serve God. So our unicycle topic this week is taking us down a side path to an area that impacts, some but not all of you. I've decided to ride my unicycle down this path because it is an area that has always been very important to Lorrie and I - and that is having balance when dealing with children. Those of you who are parents know that this is perhaps one of the most difficult areas of life in which to maintain balance. It is also an area that we can't ignore when it comes to being involved in leadership in the church - for Paul clearly taught us that that those who aspire to leadership need to be able to manage their homes, children, etc.

Before I go even one step further let me emphatically and without hesitation inform you that I do not profess to be an expert in this area, I do not look at myself as a superachiever parent, or have any extraordinary children that are basically one step lower than the angels in heaven. My children, like all children everywhere, have faults, issues, and insecurities brought on by the unfortunate circumstance of having been conceived and brought forth into this world by yours truly and their saintly mother. (She really had to be a saint at times, I know this for a fact)

Now that they are adults and basically on their own I can look back a little more objectively and assess the balance in our parenting philosophy. There is no secret to it. . . but we did follow some principles that both Lorrie and I strongly adhered to. Here are some of principles that we followed. . .

1. Respect the child in the child. So you're wondering, what the heck does that mean? It means, quite simply, that Lorrie and I worked very hard to make sure that we understood that our children indeed were children. We see too many parents forcing their children into situations, circumstances and roles that are not designed for children. We see parents who let go of restrictions too soon. We see parents who forget that teens are not adults, but children growing into adults. We didn't want our children growing up too soon. We let them be children.

2. Don't live your life vicariously through your child. When our kids were young I wondered if either of them would turn out to be musicians or teachers. But never did we force it on either of them. We didn't need to overcome our disappointments, failed dreams or aspirations through our children. One of the biggest mistakes we see parents make is to push their children towards a life's path that is just not designed for them. It does nothing except build resentment, bitterness and disapointment for both the child and the parent. Let a child develop towards his or her own bent. We saw this at an early age with Nate and Holly. I remember seeing the two of them sit at the kitchen table with coloring books. Nate's page would always be a masterpiece. Holly had no concept of what staying in the lines even meant! Right there we began to see that Nate was already moving in a very specific direction, and we were happy to encourage him in it.

3. You can't live the Christian life for your child. You MUST live the Christian life in front of your child. You MUST teach your children - the Bible commands it. You MUST provide godly counsel for your child - without telling them what to do. Consistently throughout their formative years I would tell Holly and Nathan that their relationship to God was entirely up to them. Mom and I couldn't live it for them. They had to make the choices as to their relationship to God. We of course wanted themt to make right choices - but we also did not want our children to have a forced, unwanted relationship to God because we did.

4. Learn to let go. There is no question that we love our children - but we're also ready to let go. You raise your children to let them go. They are not your possession. Gradually, as they develop into teens, then young adults, you will find yourself losing influence and importance in their lives. Remind yourself that this is NOT a bad thing if you've done your parenting job right. It is a necessary, healthy entrance into adulthood.

These are four of the main principles. There are many more. . . but I don't want to put you on overload! Perhaps you have a principle or two that you feel is essential. . . share it with the rest of us! It is through sharing with others that we can build stronger homes and ultimately become better servants of God.